Primary Love

Photo 2005: strange window display taken from an outside table looking into a beachside restaurant

Below, I posted the Purple Passion poem I wrote several years ago because I know that if I am going to take a serious look at putting my priorities in order, I am going to have to deal with some of my thoughts and feelings about my relationship with David.

I’ve known David for years, we are very close friends, we enjoy each other’s company immensely and depend on one another for nearly everything. However … we are both perfectly comfortable not having to sort out the details of our relationship.

Obviously David is my primary love relationship but we never, and I mean ever, say "I love you" to each other. Okay maybe it was mentioned a time or two several years ago when we were sorting through some things, but we decided at that time that neither of us were ready to commit to the L word yet. Funny, it doesn't seem so strange until you put it into words.

We both know that we are way over due for an updated “lets discuss the perimeters of our relationship conversation” but neither of us seem to feel a real sense urgency about it.

I’m not going to get this one sorted out here tonight, I'm not even going to try. I’m just saying ... if putting my priorities in order is going to become a reality, I’m going to have to deal with the me and David thing.

Interesting that with the exception of the last line, “discontentedly accepting the silence and preparing to dance solo in the rain.” Not much has changed between us since 2005 when that poem was written.

Reflecting ...

According to Dr. Meltzer’s 10 rules, our lifestyles should be patterned to satisfy our most fundamental needs and most basic priorities. For me, putting things back into prospective will be no small task.

Even the very basics like fitness, nutrition, meditation, sleep, love, family, money and relaxation are out of balance in my life. I don’t often take the time to look at just how off kilter things are.

A large part of my imbalance has to do with my work schedule. For the last 12 years or so I've worked 6 days a week, and anywhere from 50 to 60 hours per week. Right now I am scheduled for 51.

The bad part of my schedule is not only the number of hours I work but also the time of day I have to work them. We are open from 8 am until 11:30pm and I have often found myself closing (could get out after midnight) and then having to be right back there first thing in the morning.

Right now I usually work from either 11am – 7pm or 1pm - 9pm and then 11 hours on Sunday. I also have about 250 hours of vacation time built up, obviously that means I take very little time off. No wonder I often feel so exhausted.

Purple Passion

11/29/05
Purple Passion ...

Old friends, paths crossed, tentative thoughts of possibility.

Entwined hands, awkward kiss, passion grows, valentine.

Gratifying small talk, struggling hearts daring to live, love, laugh and trust again.

Opening up and then closing the door, the good, the bad and the ugly, being fully explored.

Hope grows, as the unknown becomes familiar and then adored.

Giving and taking, wanting more, succumbing to passion yet remaining somewhat reserved.

Sometimes helpless and hopeless, other times in complete control. I love you is spoken, but is it really heard?

Vulnerable hearts wanting nothing more than to love and be loved, but not quite prepared to surrender.

Cosmic courtship of Venus and Mars, discontentedly accepting the silence and preparing to dance solo in the rain.

Purple Passion!

Reorganizing my thoughts and direction

In March of 2004 I wrote my first Rain entry. I was in the midst of the yearly balancing my life process and was searching for a creative outlet to express some of my thoughts and ideas, a place to put together some of the pieces to the story of my life.

I was thrilled when my friend David indirectly pointed me in the direction of AOL Journals during a conversation we were having about the world of blogging.

The first journal I ever read was Slo Mo’s, from first read I was hooked and although I had no idea how to get started I knew I had to have a journal of my own. Slo Mo's journal also had links to other journals where I read entries written by several writers I still follow today.

Here I am again reorganizing my thoughts and direction, it only makes sense that I record the part of the process here.

Simplifying to meet the changing challenges of my life is where I plan to start. Reconnecting with myself and what makes me happy has always done wonders when it comes to un-complicating my life and right now my life does feel a little complicated.

Operating Manuel

Photo: 2005 a volunteer sunflower in my back yard, compliments of the birds.

We are almost a week into the new year ... it’s not to late to pull out the old operating manual for the heart, soul, body and mind to make a resolution for 2009, is it?

Over the years in mid December, I’ve often pulled out Barnet Meltzer’s book “Ten Rules of High Performance Living” to clear my mind and prepare myself for the New Year. Last year I didn’t do that.

The last part of 2007 was very stressful for me with my circumstances at work and all. 2008 came and went so quickly, the entire year is almost a blur. I feel like it’s time to step back and take inventory of my life and those things that are most important to me. It’s time to put my priorities back in order.

Today my yearly yearning to create more balance in my life feels strong … I've pulled out the book, I' m putting my intent into writing and I'm hoping to find the motivation to follow through.

I am running a little behind schedule this year, but that’s Okay. Better late than never, right?

*** Coy ***

Everything is not exactly the same here...

I love the Art Deco District on Miami Beach. The buildings are from the 20's and 30's, and despite "Corporate America's" desire to tear them all down and replace them with homoginized cookie cutter style structures, these geometric beauties are being protected.

David and I recently spent an entire day walking the streets of Miami photographing some of the nearly 1000 deco buildings. I'm not very happy with the small photos I am able to post here at blogger, I.miss how easy large photos were at AOL.

Above is a collage of some of the buildings, if I can figure the larger photo thing out I'll post some individual photos so you can see the dramatic effect of shadow and light that seemed to be a design priority back then.

Our Thanksgiving was a little untraditional this year, 46 years old and for the first time in my lifetime our family went out for Thanksgiving dinner. (Have I mentioned how much I love tradition?)
We didn't go just anywhere, we went to "The Top Of The Bridge" and if you were going to go out for Thanksgiving this would be on the top of one's list of where to go ... but not having Thanksgiving at home???
David joined our family gathering for the first time this year, that was nice. The food was great, amazing as a matter of fact. It was served buffet style and any Thanksgiving dish plus much much more was prepared by top chefs. I did get to spend a little time with some of the people I love most in the world. No one had to chop, mix, cook, clean or do dishes who knows maybe not so traditional may become a tradition.

After dinner, David and I stopped by to see friends, that was nearly as spending time with my family. All in all it was a great day, I have much to be Thankful for.