I thought a lot about yesterday's entry after I wrote it. It's no secret that the bad choice I was referring to was the choice to stay in a marriage that was not working out for waaaaay to long.
It's often easy for me to overlook the fact that the entire marriage was not made up of bad or wrong choices. I also made plenty of good choices, right choices, happy choices, creative choices and then finally a down right courageous choice during that 17 years as well.
This is one of my favorite family photos ... It was just a casual snapshot.
I think as I stand here at a major crossroads in my life, it's important for me to come to terms with the fact that as bad as it got (and some of you that know me, know just how bad I'm talking), my life was filled with a lot of good things at that time as well ... after all if not for being married to Brad, I would never have known the joy of J.A.M. (Joey, Angie & Mandy) Thank you to a good friend for pointing that out to me again recently and thank you to all of you for your supportive comments yesterday, no words to describe how much they are appreciated.
Happy Tuesday
*** Coy ***
OMG, did anybody count how many times I used the word choice or choices in this entry?
28 comments:
I think I counte 13 times! ;-) Great perspective Coy....everything happens for a reason, there are blessings even when things don't work out, or you think you made the wrong choice....I wish you luck as you continue this journey...I just love that photo too....thanks for sharing it today....regardless of the way things turned you, you were all a beautiful family... :-)
I think I counte 13 times! ;-) Great perspective Coy....everything happens for a reason, there are blessings even when things don't work out, or you think you made the wrong choice....I wish you luck as you continue this journey...I just love that photo too....thanks for sharing it today....regardless of the way things turned you, you were all a beautiful family... :-)
That is a beautiful family picture, regardless. Life is a series of choices, sometimes they seem easier than others, yes? xoox
It's a gorgeous photos. I'm so glad you have your children and that you had this marriage too. The hardest trails have taught me the most about myself, others. life, and God. I admire your courage and am proud of you for what you're accomplishing with your life. And by the way, the reason I love your journal title is because it reminds me of how far I've come; that God loves seeing me dance in the rain as well as in the sunshine. Keeping you in prayer, always. *Barb*
http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK
What a beautiful family picture. I am glad that your close friend(s) helped you to see the good things about your marriage. That is a healthy thing to do. :-) It sounds like you're feeling better. I'm glad.
Micheyle
http://journals.aol.com/mommysquiettime/RedFlannelPajamas
It's sometimes hard to look through all the negatives to find the positives...but they are always there. Great entry, thanks for sharing.
Michele
http://journals.aol.com/samnsmile5/LettingItAllSinkIn
My GAWD, woman, you were GORGEOUS!! [You still are, of course, but WOW!]That's a great photo. The kids were adorable too. And I know what you mean about making choices you regret. But I think you're luckier than most in that you finally made the RIGHT decision. My grandmother, days before her death, remarked on her regret that she stayed with my grandfather all those years. I don't want to look back on my life with regrets. I think you're going to be one of the lucky ones. :D
I understand what you mean by Choices...You know, there are a lot of things that have happened to me, and choices that I have made that haven't been all that good... but, if I changed any of them, I wouldn't be where I am right now... And I like where I am now. <shrug> Sometimes good things come from where you least expect it.
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind
So pretty. It happened the way it was supposed to, just like my life. It pulls me along, kicking and screaming, and everything comes out in the wash.
xoxoxo
What a lovely, heart-spoken journal. You're going to be just fine. You've got the spirit of a winner! Blessings ....Carol
http://journals.aol.com/rngletta/SimplySouthern
Coy,
I stayed 4 yrs too long in my 14 yr marriage. But you know...I think about what it would have been like, had I not married my ex...I wouldn't have Cody, and I realize that some things in our lives happen for a reason. I learned a lot from my marriage. It's made me a better partner for Scarlett, that's for sure.
I am a lot stronger person today because of the things I went through...and I'm sure you feel the same way about your situation.
Much love to you sugarlump!
Connie
The joy of J.A.M is a great way to put it.
was very good picture. and I was in a abussive marriage for 12 years and thought it would save the kids if he just hit me.. well wrong .. they have problems. no matter what your marital problems are you need to get out if things do not get better for the sanity of your self and your JAM!!!!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!
James Spader was here!!!! naner-naner-naner!
{{{{{Coy}}}}}
I, too, stayed in my marriage longer than I should have. For me the stigma of divorce was inconceivable...I felt like I'd be wearing a scarlet letter 'D' on my chest. I married a fine man, but he just wasn't the right man for me. He was totally unable to give me attention and affection which I greatly need. I honestly thought I could change him!
I also know that I married him for the wrong reasons. I thought he'd be a successful doctor some day. I envisioned myself as Mrs. Doctor Somebody. And I wasnt' young and foolish when I married....we got married on my 29th birthday. I told myself that I needed to stick to my vows of until death do us part. So I stayed in the marriage which was a commuter marriage for the last 5 years we were married.
Well, sometimes things take care of themselves. The divorce happened. Ten years ago he was in a horrible accident. After almost a year of recovery he divorced me. With him I had a wonderful son who is the light of my life.
You will be fine...you have the right attitude and a plan for yourself and of course you have J.A.M.!!
Vivian
First of all..you are an absolute beauty!!! And your kids were/are adorable. Just like you my first marriage was really bad, but I have Syd & for that reason alone I would do it all over again.
2005 is going to be an awesome year for you, Coy! Lubs ya ~Ann : )
an attractive family photo.. =) Your ex was.. well, he was damn hot.
M
Hello,
I was looking at someone elses journal that had written me for help, and came across you link. I have read a couple your entires and I like your honest writing style. If you enjoy a body, mind, and spirit connection feel free to check out my journal at (There is also some interesting articles posted in the older entries as well):
Its not easy to live with what we have sometimes, nor is it easy to make changes, however we all survive. I am a survivor ands its not easy. Two bad marriages, etc...But my life has finally turned a BIG page.Hope is all i have. Through all the rough I made it through, my children both teens are what is making life not so easygoing like I thought. Just remember to completely look over where your choice can take you. Make a list of pros and cons, may help!!!!!!!!! Unlike you with hubby, I come home from work everyday and dread what the latest drama is with my kids lives and how is it going to affect my plan, my stable marriage although they love both of us.They dont realize their power.
ahhh, those are the toughest of choices! stay in a marriage for whatever reason you might have vs ending a marriage that you know is doing you more harm than good. Especially when their is children involved. It sounds as if to me, you made two very brave ones, staying in as long as you could and finally getting out when you still had something left in you to give back to your kids and to yourself. choices like these are very hard, but it seems you did well. :)
love the photo!
what a beautiful photograph....... your children are sun-kissed and FILLED with light. judi
Change is often a scary thing, I guess. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and you seem to be doing just fine.
(hugs!)
=) kris
http://journals.aol.com/kristeenaelise/thedailypurge
Coy,
I am a divorced mother of one. It was hard in the beginning, but my daughter and I made it through. Being a parent is a hard job, made only harder by an unhappy situation. I applaud your decision to love youself and those GEORGEOUS children. Sometimes distance can make a big difference. My former husband and myself are friends now. This took 16 years to happen, but it did. My daughter has ADHD, so the struggle was a little hard. Now she's 18, a Senior in High School, working, and graduating with a 3.6 G.P.A.. I pray that GOD Blesses YOU and YOUR lovely family with all the riches from heaven. Stay strong, and write if you want.
Great family picture. We all have our ups and downs but I agree with you, we often forget about the good times when we are down. I like your message here: COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. XOXOXO.
Congrats for being the Editors Top pick of the week !!!!!!!! Ann
new more personal: http://journals.aol.com/a2002v2002/YoYoWeightloss/
an Editor's pick: http://journals.aol.com/a2002v2002/SwirlingThroughMyMind/
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I have seen your name around in comments but just found your journal and look forward to reading more. My daughter too was in a bad marriage for 17 years and has two wonderful boys as a result. She finally got a divorce and is now remarried to a nice man. Good luck to you, Paula
Life is about choices maybe that's why you used the word so much. It's amazing that such a beautiful looking family could have troubles. I guess things aren't always as they appear. When I went through a really bad time a while back, I was in therapy. I told my therapist that the worst thing about the situation was that the last bastion of trust I had was in myself and because of the wrong decisions (choices) that I felt I had made that I could no longer even trust myself. She helped me to see that what had occurred was not an error in judgement but a slow response on my part to listen to what I was feeling/thinking and acting on it. :-) ---Robbie
ahh, fell behind in reading Coy, sorry--- this IS a beautiful family portrait, even if there are bad memories attached to your marriage. (and I have to agree with Michael about your ex- yowza- good genes, along with yours of course, for your kids!) Here's to many, many good choices in the years ahead! --Albert
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