Monday, January 10, 2005

Taking an up close look.

 The very heart of a Hibiscus!

     Well, 2005 is well on it's way, I'm back at work and the rhythm and routine is returning to my life ... sort of. I've been feeling a little discontent these days, I guess it's only normal as I move from the part of my life where I was a single mother with a daughter at home to a single woman alone ...  all alone!

     Although Mandy is still in and out a lot, I'm getting a pretty good idea what it's going to be like to be on my own ... eeek! I'm not sure how good I am at alone, I guess only time will tell.

     No doubt I will have a lot of new choices to make soon, I've never been all that impulsive (I tend to be a deliberate person pondering the possibilities before I make a decision). So ... I'm reserving the first part of this New Year to taking an up close look at past choices I've made that have resulted in my successes and failures, my joy and my pain, my gratitude and remorse.

     Not sure exactly which direction I'm headed, I just know that I do not want the rest of my life to be filled with choices that I've never even considered. I've been in the position before where I've had to live for a long, long time with the choices I've made, the good the bad and the ugly.

                             Happy Monday

                              *** Coy ***

22 comments:

sylviam4000 said...

Don't rush into anything unless you really want to do it. Making choices can be difficult. My hope for you is a future filled with happiness.
Sylvia
http://journals.aol.co.uk/sylviam4000/JottingsfromtheSticks/

suzypwr said...

Sometimes those unconsidered choices can be the best ones! Living alone for a while might be good for you. You really get to know yourself! xoxo

sunflowerkat321 said...

The exciting part is OPTIONS!!  There is such a big part of life (while raising kids especially) where so little about our life is really in our control.  Do take your time...but sometimes a little impulsiveness can be a lot of fun.

barbpinion said...

Great entry. It's wise to take a last glance over one's choices when starting another year. The best predictor of the future is the past. Reviewing your wrong choices will enable you to make better, more wiser ones. But hope you leave time for spontanaiety. It makes life more furn. Have a wonderful day. *Barb*
http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

judypearllove said...

Hi, A great entry. When my husband was killed with my grandbaby I was first face of coarse whith grief. a longgggggggggg time past and with the help of many professional helpers and as I worked on it myself I began to get through it and not around it which is the only true healthy way to survive. My husband had taken care of me for 30 yrs. made all the real decisions and work as far as the bread winner even most of the home chores like yard pool and repairs.  I was a stay at home Mom. My daughter left for college but returned in about a month but even though we live together she is so busy and with our schedules I am really alone for the first time. I went through the reflections and them started to make decisons for myself for the first time in my life. I started doing everything for myself and my daughter. I found what I liked and what I wanted to do. I make no plans what so ever. I strickly go by the seat of my pants except of coarse for my work schedule. I love it ! I love it ! I love it! To not answer to anyone else, to consider only what feels good and right to only youself and to do what you like and want is a wonderful enjoyment. I'm not saying I don't have moments that I would love to have the house full of people and days gone by but I take my memories claim them and return to the present. I have found the real meaning of true happiness is staying in the moment and enjoying each of those moments as they happen. It's real freedom and you find yourself. you'll love it Go for it girl the world is an oyster and your the Pearl. God Bless Judy Pearl...

judypearllove said...

oops I forgot to put this Judy Pearl

bookncoffee said...

Oh, I know it can be tough living alone, but you are a survivor!!!  You can do it.  Sometimes people find that they really like being alone.  You can do and go as you please.  Make lots of friends, travel some, and play on line a lot!  That will fill the time.  
Oh, a biggie for me....I'm not alone, but was at one time....
but have discovered that seeking God's Will completely fills you up, comforts you, and sees you thru.  I hope you have such a relationship on God to get you thru!!!  He has certainly fulfilled my life.

shewolfdancing said...

Hey Coy, I know that feeling... I am in mid choices mode as well... what to do, what to do...

I love your heart flower.... its just beautiful!  It made my monday smile.

Hugs ~K

macroura said...

Howdy from Phoenix Arizona!
Thank you for the "Heart".  My complex's Hibiscus aren't doing much yet, but spring has sprung.  I am inspired to get pix of my nastursums before the neighbor boys tear them all up.  I have been fussy about the 'net, but, Wow, this is a sweet bunch of friends who meet here.  Do you mind if I hang out too? Sharon B

ann7inflorida said...

I'm dreading when Syd moves out,.... feeling your pain. You're a wise woman & you seem to enjoy life, I have a sneaking suspicion that things will turn out awesome! ~Ann : )

stormie4851 said...

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.  DIFFERENCE IS THAT MY BOYS MOVED OUT BEFORE MY DIVORCE.  I HAVE BEEN LIVING TOTALLY ALONE FOR 5 YEARS NOW AND ACTUALLY I LIKE IT.  I WONT SAY THERE ARE NOT TIMES THAT I GET  A LITTLE LONELY BUT WHEN I CONCIDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE ELSE LIVING IN MY HOME AGAIN, WELL.................I SORT OF SHUDDER.  HOPE THINGS ADJUST WELL FOR YOU, KEEP BUSY AND TAKE ON MORE HOBBIES THAN YOU CAN HANDLE, LOL........................STORMIE

boiseladie said...

...almost forgot!  BEAUTIFUL picture!

boiseladie said...

The empty nest is heading my way too...  my youngest is almost 16 and he can't wait to move out on his own when he graduates high school!  He knows he can stay, but he wants to go.  My guy is gone most the time too, gone a week or two at a time.  When you live alone, at least when you come home, things will be in the same spot you left them.  LOL

cneinhorn said...

You know, for some reason this entry reminded me of when I was getting divorced: the lawyer out of the blue said to me, "you know Nettie, when your daughter goes to college, you'll only be 37, you have your whole life ahead of you, you are so young.....this divorce can be a good thing for you"....now that she has her drivers license and I hardly see her anymore (17 in NJ for license)...I feel what you are feeling......except all the freedom and/or lonlienss (depending on how you want to look at it, can look at it both ways really) isn't there because I started "all over again" and now have a 4 year old....but I understand how you are feeling...I do...if it wasn't for the 4 year old, once my daughter "flew the coop" I think I would have moved back to Holland, my life in the US was over,and it was time for a fresh start elsewhere.....but you know,  you have to find what works for you....and I know you will.... and also....gorgeous photo....  

~JerseyGirl
http://journals.aol.com/cneinhorn/WonderGirl

indigosunmoon said...

Coy,
Well, you know what happened to me.  Torn all to pieces when I had to deal with the empty nest...and now it seems they are both back home, and driving me nutty!
Wonderful picture girl!
Lovish!
Connie

quartrlyfecrysis said...

That picture is absolutely gorgeous!
Pey's only 5 but I already wonder what it'll be like when she's grown and gone...it's intimidating to think about.  
I was watching an AOL studio clip of Green Day, and Billy Joe said 'better to regret something you did, than something you didn't do.'  Taken out of the rock-n-roll context I think it applies pretty well to life.
You'll find your new groove, and who knows doll...it's could be the best one yet :)
Take it easy Coy*
xoxo~Bernadette

dcmeyer420 said...

I hear you. My oldest went to college last year and it felt like a part of me was torn off. I did not know how to live without her for a long time. Though I still have my 14 year old at home, it is not the same without my daughter in it. I still miss her everyday but I learned that I need to give her the freedom she needed to grow and find her own niche in life.

mommysquiettime said...

Thank you for sharing that graphic...an up close and personal look at the heart of a hibiscus is beautiful and I am sure that you will find the same thing to be true when you look at the heart of your life.  :-) You really are a beautiful person.  I can tell this because it pours through your words in your journal.
Micheyle
http://journals.aol.com/mommysquiettime/RedFlannelPajamas

slowmotionlife said...

I honestly can't begin to imagine when my kids leave... we've talked about how nice it might be, we can take vacations, travel the world, etc.  But I don't think we'll really know how lonely it might be until they're gone.  You have such a good attitude about it, Coy.  You're facing it in a positive way - it's something to be admired!  I, for one, know that the possibilities are endless for you.  :D

prettyvictim said...

I also have kids soon leaving the nest. and i am a permently disabled mother of 2. i never go out!!!!! i do not know what I will do either when they are gone. But I have thought of some wonderfull hobbys n the gym which i love both. and plenty of time for myself. i can not rember the last time I wore make up, took a bath every day. not that I do not love my children but Its a endless, tiresome job. And this will make you laugh!!!!! I can go to each of thier homes when they are on their own and walk in with dirty , muddy feet, jump on the couch ,ect . And leave lmao!!!! BUT I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO GRAMDBABYS IN TIME!!!!!THERE ARE THINGS OUT THERE.  AND I ANM SINGLE AND HAVE BEEN SINCE MY DIVORCE OVER 8 YEARS AGO AND HAVE NOT DATED ONCE THE KIDS WHERE AND ARE EVERYTHING!!!

geminiwilder said...

pondering the possiblities is always good....but don't ponder the rest of your whole life away!  :)    

i know i'll never worry about living alone, because my little boy tells me all the time that he is NEVER leaving!   TeeHee~~!         Phinney

judithheartsong said...

I am thinking of you.... with love, judi