Tuesday, August 31, 2004

The face of adversity.

Adversity <-- click

     I know that Mother and Daughter conflicts are inevitable, two women with two different prospectives. Still, I find myself shocked and amazed at the reality of how the friction between us can generate so much heat.

     The ups and downs of living with this 17 year old beauty can be exhausting to say the least.

     I would not consider my self especially controlling or suffocating, but I do expect the best from her. This is a girl with a good head on her shoulders and I expect her to use it.

     Her rebellious nature can be so hard to live with even though I know that it is probably her way of saying "Hey, I am 17 years old now Mom and this is my life so stop trying to push your perfect little fantasy of my life, on me".

     My returned reaction to her rebelling is just my way of saying "no matter how old you become, I will never stop being or acting like your Mother. Right now it is my job to finish seeing you through adolescence (for lack of a better word) and into adulthood".

Or ...

     "HEL -LO!, it is important for me to stay here beside you making sure that you don't loose track of your goals in the final hour. Soon you will be flying out into the world and I want you to do so strong, proud and with positive direction."

     It would be much easier if we could both just say what we mean instead of getting caught up in these stressful, frustrating  discrepancies.

     Despite the conflict and the fact that we don't always compleatly understand each other, we still enjoy each others company and spend a lot of time together.

     I know from my own experience that our Mothers have a way of influencing the way we feel about ourselves (Thanks Mom) so I do my best to focus on her strengths rather than her faults but sometimes it seems near impossible;-]

     There is nothing in this world that I love more than my three kids, but this stress causing, friction creating, button pushing 17 year old is no doubt the face of adversity in my life right now.

                                   *** Coy *** 


emfeasel said...

..my lord girl.....geez....I was married right after college...and for a while I wanted kids...(I am almost your age)...when I read you post and see the pics....I can't blame you for freakin' out in a major  way...the girl is gorgeous....glad it's not me that's you...I would be freakin' too...



dbaumgartner said...

I understand how you feel, but I remember when I was 17.  I was grown and knew it all.  :-)  Boy what a shock when I hit 30 and realized I didn't know s**t at 17.

nanmm11 said...

First of all let me say that she is a beautiful girl. I have two children that are now 32my daughter and my son who is 27 still living at home. My daughter and grandaugter live on the second floor of my home. In their growing years I too had many conflicts with them and yes was one of those moms that wanted to know everthing of where and who and what they were doing and yes that did bring conflict but I can tell you that it does pay off as we now enjoy a very respectfull and loving relationship with them and I might add that their friends still spend alot of their time hanging with us whether going to the beach or just hanging and watching tv with us like 'survivor" which is a weekly thing we do around here.I cook and they come and we all get along great.Hang in there, as you are on the right track and she will appreciate it in the long run and you both will find a long time friend in the process.I'm not saying we are the Cleavers lol but we have learned when not to interfere with their lives and when they still want our advice and i believe that we have created an atmosphere where they can feel free to tell us about their lives.The biggest thing I remember when they were 17 is that I tried real hard not to react immediately at the moment of heat.I would wait till the next day to let things cool a bit and then maybe talk with them and still tried making it know to them that in the end it was their life and thier decisions and therefore their consequences they would have to contend with.I found that by letting them know that it gave them a different perspective other than saying "because i said so". Not trying to tell you how to parent at all, I'm just walking down memory lane with mine is all. You have a lovely family and I can tell by your journal that you are a great mom and will be a great friend to them as well. godbless.

slowmotionlife said...

Jacy is already four and we already have power struggles.  I can't imagine when she's 17 - we'll probably kill each other!  LOL  I remember now what it was like to be 17, in my mother's house, under her rules and her judgements and her own ideas about what my life was or was not supposed to be.  We never fought because I was too afraid of her.  But you are a good mother, Coy, a loving mother.  She resists because she feels confident in her own ideals and strengths - you gave that to her!  But she still needs guidance and you're doing the right thing. No matter how hard it gets, keep fighting.  She's worth it.  ::smile::

stacy1tbkl said...

Kids !!  Gotta love em'!!


ann7inflorida said...

Can I ever relate to this!!! My -almost- 15 yr. old & I go through the same stuff...UGHHH! She is a BEAUTY !!! ~Ann : )

ggal3133 said...

Love the photo collage :)
Teens are never easy and I hope it gets easier for the both of you.

cneinhorn said...

my daughter will be 17 in November........those hormones are all kicked in....along with teen behaviour........hang in there Coy!

lamove04 said...

I'm sure you don't need another person telling you how pretty she is, LOL!  Love the collage.  17 seems like the height of the rebellion age-- but it does sound like you're doing right by her, setting an example, boundaries and limits.  It's the kids who grow up in chaotic homes with no boundaries, and the ones with parents who are TOO authoritarian, who have trouble later in life.  You sound like a good Mom, Coy.  Hang in there,   Albert

rotikaisme said...

I am truly in awe of your journal. Honestly its so interesting to read your thoughts and see your life.
I felt the need to comment some only because I made somewhat of an observation about your 17 year old daughter. From looking at her Pictures and pictures are worth a thousand words.
first let me just say that I am a mother of a toddler baby girl and I can only imagine some of the issues I will face when she is 17.
I remember being that age and I was terrible. I honestly felt I was grown and detest anyone who had something negitive at all about me. I was snutty, rebellious. I thought I knew absouletly everything.
You seem like a loving person so I'm sure you are there for your daughter as well as your other children. You have such a wonderful personality that shines right through. I hope what I'm about to say will not offend you but I felt compelled to tell you what I see in your daughter. I may be wrong but I am a good judge of character and have gut intuition about people. I feel its a gift that God has given me to be able to see deeper into a person.
I see that your 17 year old daughter may be getting high on some form of substance.  Herion maybe. My mother was a heroin addict for over 16 years and its just something about the ora of an individual who is addicted or possibly headed that direction. I pick up on it fairly eazily. I may be wrong, but this is what my gut intuition tells me when I look at your daughter in the pictures you posted..
I'm sorry if I offended you and ask you to comment. I understand Hurricane Ivan is headed toward the sunshine state and my prayers is that it turns out to sea. Florida does not need anymore hurricanes.  My heart goes out to you and the families and whole state of Florida ..

coy1234787 said...

Royikaisme, to state it simply ...
         *** Coy ***